“The Language of Appreciation”

Philippians 1: 1 – 11

As a child I can recall when I was awakened about 3:30 a.m. in the morning to travel down to St. Mary’s Hospital in Minneapolis/St. Paul where my mother was awaiting surgery for cancer.  I don’t know about you, but a hospital at around 5:00 o’clock in the morning has an eerie feeling about it.  The only lights lighting the hallways on the 6^th floor that morning was a set of ‘recessed night-lights’ that reflected their illumination off the polished, hospital floor.  The only noise that could be heard was laughter/small talk from a couple of RNs and LPNs, who sat at ‘brightly-lit nurse’s station’, located centrally on the 6^th floor. 

As we entered the ‘dark’ room where my mother was, the only light in her room was from the recessed floor lights in the hallway and lights from the machines in her room. The only sounds that could be heard were from various medical devices running below her bed.  My sister, brother and I took our places at the foot of the bed while my father pulled up a comfy, hospital chair next to mom’s side, and gently took her hand and whispered softly, “I Love You!”

Within a few minutes of our arrival, a nurse graced our presence, smiled and mouthed ‘good morning.’ She, without hesitation, awakened my mother out of a sound sleep to check her temp, pulse rate, and blood pressure – the vitals routine. As the nurse was leaving, my mother softly and gently said, “thank you.”

As my mother was just beginning to settle down and fall to sleep, another RN (about ½ hour later) came in to give her a hypo for the surgery.  The nurse awoke my mother and informed her that this wasn’t one of those injections that could be given by way of her I-V, but had to be administered in the hinny.  We were asked to step out, the nurse gave her the hypo and as the curtain was being pushed back, I could faintly hear my mother express to the RN who had given her the hypo – THANK YOU!.

My mother began to feel the effects of the hypo quickly.  She dropped off into a ‘semi-sound’ sleep.  Every now and then you’d see her eyes roll, make contact with our dad and she’d grip his hand.  However, about 35 minutes had elapsed and a ‘couple’ of RNs came in.  From the various plastic bags they were carrying, they were going to insert several tubs – one down my mother’s throat and another down her nose, in preparation for her surgery.  Again, we stepped out.  We soon heard some painful moaning and groaning, a gag or two, and then things became quiet!  As one of the nurses invited us to return, I looked at my mother.  She had two tubes taped around her cheek and nose that disfigured her face, yet she still managed to say, “THANK YOU” even though it was difficult for her to speak.

When I reflect upon this day in my life, it stands out today for this reason: Here was a lady who was woke up out of a restful sleep, poked with needles, had tubes pushed down her throat and nose, taped to her face and she still found a way to say “Thank You!”  I’m ashamed to acknowledge that my usual response would probably be quite the contrary.  When people wake me up, poke me with needles and shove tubes down my throat, the ‘words of appreciation’ would probably be the furthest from my mind.  Many people would do likewise!  This is not the typical response for many people who are inflicted with pain, even as they are being cared for. 

When we look at the book of Philippians, Paul’s situation wasn’t pleasant either.  He was not awakened from a restful sleep, poked with needles or had someone put tubes down his throat and nose, but this is one of the four letters written by him from ‘prison.’  Yet, Paul was able to remain ‘appreciative’ of the Philippians and even optimistic while being confined to a prison cell – and from what I read, his confinement was unexpected and against his will.  Notice in 2:14ff where Paul mentions “my chains.’  Look at 2: 17, where we learn that Paul’s imprisonment was involuntary. His situation was ‘so extreme’ that he apparently was even facing death. (See 2:16-18)  In fact, by the Philippians sharing their faith, it added additional pressure upon Paul’s incarceration.   

Paul could have felt deprived.  He could have become bitter and upset with those around him, but he didn’t!  When we read Phil 1: 1-11, it is apparent that there is a strong tone of appreciation for them by what Paul says.

This tells me something: Difficult situations are not an excuse to treat people rudely, harshly, or in an inconsiderate manner.  Complicated situations are neither a license to demand our needs be met or to have them feel sorry for us.  Even though Paul’s circumstances were more than to be desired, it did not overshadow his appreciation for the Philippians as being a people of God and the vital role they played in God’s overall redemptive plan. 

However, what I find ironic is that the believers at Philippi were not as appreciative of each other as Paul was of them in difficult situations.  We can see this by statements made in 1:27 “conduct yourself in a manner worthy of gospel of Christ.’ … and in 2:3, where he says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.”  In 2:14 Paul exhorts them to “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”  Apparently they were not thankful for each other, but actually found fault with one another.  They even had an argumentative spirit among them, fueled by self interest, haughtiness, envy and selfishness (2:3).  Paul also says in 3:15, “all of us who are mature should take such a view of things.  And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.”   They felt that everyone had to be at the same level of righteousness that they were.  So Paul informs them that if anyone had a reason to brag about ‘how righteous’ a person should be, he did, but Paul counted his righteousness as filthy rags or ‘dung’ for the surpassing knowledge of knowing Jesus Christ, so that He could press on to the high calling of Jesus Christ.  Apparently, the Philippians allowed their perspective of righteousness to alienate themselves from one another. These differences caused friction among them so much so that in 4:2, we read “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord…”   The ‘underlying current’ among the Philippians did not have much genuine appreciation for one another when things did not go their way.   

Paul’s life, then, becomes an example to them, and to us, of what it means to appreciate other people when we find ourselves in less-than-desirable situations.  Paul learned that the language of appreciation resonated from a heart yielded to Christ, rather than from ideal situations that are favorable to us. 

There are four key factors that serve as a backdrop to ‘heart-expressed appreciation.’  These key factors serve like the ‘mathematical formula’ behind calculus or Trigonometry; as a ‘backdrop’ brings out the main characters of a drama; or as an ‘operating environment’ that enables software to work on our computer.  What are these four key factors that affirm a Christ-centered appreciation to others when we find ourselves in less than desirable circumstances? 

1.     We need a Servant’s Heart.  1 – 2

We can't express appreciation to another person without a servant's heart.

When we read the first verse of Philippians 1 does it say, ‘Paul an apostle of Jesus Christ, Timothy a servant?’ I find it quite encouraging to read that Paul classified himself on the same level as Timothy.    It needs to be noted that Paul was far more versed in the culture, education and experience than Timothy.  From an ‘educational perspective,’ Paul had his masters whereas Timothy was just out of high school.  From an ‘experience level,’ Paul was the veteran, Timothy was an apprentice.  Paul was highly ‘skilled,’ he understood administration, conflict resolution, and other dynamics of ministry, whereas Timothy was still green behind the ears.  Paul’s education, skills and experience exceeded that of Timothy’s.  Yes, he could have felt that he was a ‘step above’ his counterpart – Timothy … but he chose not to.  He saw himself as a servant along with Timothy.  Paul needed Timothy.  He served alongside of Timothy, not regarding his own status/position more important than anyone else.  WOW!

The word “servants” refers both to himself and Timothy.  The term ‘servants’ is used frequently in the Scriptures, thus it was a common, everyday word.  Paul was writing to Philippi and he knew this was a military command post, where solders submitted to commanders of higher rank.  Originally, the word carried the idea of a person who had no freedom, or one ‘whose will’ was totally subordinated to that of another person.  It also meant a person was “forever on duty” with no free time or personal life of their own.  The common lingo was: “Your wish is my command”!

This may sound harsh and even hard to accept in a culture where “the customer is always right,” but it isn’t.  When I look at how the word was used elsewhere, the word servant can also mean:

ü      One bound to another . . . by the band of constant love;  (kindred friends)

ü      One in close relationship to another that only death could break the bond. (Marriage)

ü      One who serves another with reckless abandonment, not regarding his/her interests.  (co-soldeirs)

 FOLKS, every person is bound to someone.  So, the question isn’t, “Are we bound to someone?  But the question that needs to be asked of each of us is “Are we bound to the right person and pursuits of life?”  Due to Paul’s relationship with Christ, he was bound to Christ and also to Timothy.  Paul viewed his relationship to Timothy on the ‘same level’ – as ‘servants’ of Christ Jesus.  They were ‘interdependent.’ They were locked together, thus one was not higher than the other!

To see ourselves as servants means that servanthood starts with the heart – the ‘heart’s will’ that is surrendered to Jesus Christ.  So it is not an ‘attitude’ that can change by poking you with a needle, wake you from a restful sleep or put tubes down your throat or/and nose. Having a servant’s heart is not conditioned on what status/station we hold in life.  Servanthood, in Paul’s case, resulted from the submission of will for Christ’s Supremacy.  Thus, a servant’s heart for Christ will not allow prestige or position to stand in the way of serving with another, even if they are less qualified.  A servant’s heart is not a respecter of persons.

Consequently, we can’t say we have a heart for Christ all the while we are elevating ourselves ABOVE another person. If we are going to express a Christ-centered appreciation for another, we don’t want to be looking down on them.  In order to serve others, our pride – ego – must go!  What is the center letter of PRIDE?  What is the center letter of SIN?  We must completely yield our ‘will’ to Him, our Master – Jesus Christ.  Paul addresses specifically “overseers and deacons,” the leaders of Philippi, to discover if they function as a ‘boss’ or a ‘leader.’  A boss will refer to himself as “I;” where as a leader will refer to ‘US.’  Let me see if I can illustrate.

A number of years ago my son wanted to meet my boss, so I made the arrangements for him to do so.  As we were sitting in his office my son asked Mr. Wilkerson:

      “Are you my dad’s boss?”

The response of Mr. Wilkerson, I will never forget.  He responded:

“No, I am just a team player with different responsibilities!”

WOW, this was impressive!  Here was a man who served with me.  I thought of him as ‘above me,’ but he saw himself on the same turf, but with different responsibilities.  He was selfless.  He had a proper perspective of his position and understood that position did not give him the right to pound on me and my limited experience in the grocery business, but to serve along with me.  Paul appreciated Timothy’s role & input into the ministry.  Genuine, heart-felt appreciation comes from a servant’s heart!

2.      We need a Thankful Heart.  3 – 6

Paul’s memories of these people at Philippi made him smile. It made him thankful! What were some of Paul’s fond memories of them? In Acts 16 we see some BITTER-SWEET EXPEREINCES. 

ü     

There is nothing more important than to have hard time draw people together! Do you recall what happen at 9/11?

He remembers the warm and responsive heart of Lydia – who owned the first   "JoAnn’s Fabric" shop in the Philippi area.  She responded to the gospel of Jesus Christ and started a prayer meeting with others in Philippi.

ü      He recalled fondly a little servant girl who nagged him over and over again while he tried to minister.  Her message was true, but annoying!  So Paul released her from an evil spirit and now, for the first time, she was free in Jesus Christ.

ü      He recollected when he and Silas were incarcerated after they released the little girl from the evil spirit, for she was a primary economic source of the business community and they didn’t like them preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  If Paul wanted a reason to be concerned for his own welfare and become bitter, this would have been a good occasion.  But rather, he was more concerned for a jailer taking his life than his own life.  This situation wasn’t     pleasant, yet God had used it to demonstrate His plan for them.  Paul and Silas were able to lead the jailor and his whole family to Christ and in turn the Jailer helped Paul & Silas to be released from jail.

ü          He remembered how Lydia opened up her home to them. 

ü         

As we consider these things that captivated Paul’s heart, we see how God was at work through out the ordeals of life.  As he reflected upon those days in Philippi, God’s hand was evident and is still at work in their present circumstances, perfecting them to be all they can be in Christ Jesus.

Matter of fact, the word ‘perfect’ or ‘completion’ is the same word used by our Lord Jesus Christ when he cried out on the cross “It is finished.”  Just as God started a work in their lives, God would see it to completion.  Folks, when God starts something, He will finish it.  You can count on it!  “God is more concerned about us making it to the finish line than we ourselves are!  What a truth to hang on to!

            When Paul looked over the past years, he had ‘no regrets.’  He nursed no ill feelings nor was there any bitterness.  His thoughts were ones of gratitude.   He appreciated watching how God’s hand had woven his life and their lives ‘together’ in spite of a difficult beginning. 

I wonder how many of us have the ‘same appreciation’ of a church experience we’ve been involved in.  We may have memories of ‘certain people or events’ that conger up negative feelings that may make the pit of our stomach churn.  Not so with Paul!

Paul knew ‘no such memories’ from his days at Philippi, because he witnessed how God was in it ‘from the beginning’ and how He is involved in their ‘current’ situation.  When we remember the role God has in our lives and how He is working to bind us together, there is little room for moaning and groaning, just appreciation.   If we are going to appreciate another person in Christ, we need to be thankful for them and their role in God’s plan.

3.     We need an AFFECTIONATE Heart.  7 – 8

 Paul longed to be with his fellow brothers in Christ.  But this went beyond the ‘warm fuzziness’ of making people feel good, for he was very open, transparent and a partner with them in the gospel of Jesus Christ!

1^st.   We need to be transparent in our relationships. 

The word ‘heart’ is translated in the KJV as ‘bowels”.  Paul’s use of ‘heart’ in the Scripture is not the same as we use it today. In those days, it was generally believed that the heart referred to the intestines, the stomach, liver, even the lungs, which held the ‘tenderest parts of human emotion.’  Paul’s intent was, “As I share with you my feelings, I open my whole inner being to you.”  This is ‘transparency’ at its best.

In small communities, we assume that people living in close proximity to each other means closeness.  This is not always the case, nor can we assume that they are transparent with each other.  People may still feel isolated and alienated from one another.  Unless we are transparent in our appreciation with one another, our interaction and involvement with each other will have no more effect than water on a ducks back! 

So ask yourself: How transparent are we?  Folks, people know if we are superficial or not!  They can tell when a person is real or not. 

2. We need to partner together by serving Christ together.  

Paul describes his relationship with the Philippians in terms of ‘partnership’ when he says, ‘share with me in God’s grace.’  The compounded word comes from an Anglo word meaning ‘rowing together.”  The image is of one of those medieval ships where it is powered by men rowing together at the beat of a head-master’s drum.  If a man’s arm gets knotted up or tired out, the man next to him would reach over and help him out.  It would not do any good for him to jab him in the side and tell his partner to get with the program! They rowed together – they partnered - that forged a solid ‘working’ relationship.

In the case of Paul and the Philippians, it is a locking of arms together to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Paul took their example from Jesus Christ; the Captain of the Helm, thus there was no lone rangers or solo pilots.

There is a special bond between you and another person who partner together.  In fact, sometimes the bond is stronger than some family relationships, or even married relationships.  In a co-worker partnership, we see people at their best & worst and they see us at our best/worst as well.  Those hours spent at the warehouse, on the football field, in the local café, at the feed mill, at a church activity or a community event, can all serve as a catalyst to ‘welding’ people together as partners. 

Partnering together welds people together like nothing else can do.  Hopefully, these bonds woven together are with the cords of transparency and partnership to carry on the gospel of Jesus Christ in our communities.   

Paul’s openness about himself and partnering in the cause of Jesus Christ was at the heart of his affection for them – one of genuine affection.  Think with me, often times a relationship remains shallow due to the fact that there is not enough ‘common ground’ to cement a wholesome, affectionate relationship together.  If we have an affectionate heart, we will be ‘real’ and partner together in God’s grace. 

4.     We need a Prayerful Heart.  9 – 11

Not only do we need a servant’s heart, a thankful heart and an affectionate heart, but also a prayerful heart.  Paul diligently prayed for them.   What did Paul pray for?  Let me read for you verses 9 – 11. 

When I read over what Paul’s primary concern in prayer for the Philippians was, I found it odd.   You would think that Paul would have asked God to give them ‘direction, understanding and wisdom’ so that they would know how to develop a language of appreciation for one another.  But Paul doesn’t!  Instead he prayed for their love to abound more and more!!!    Why love? 

When you read over what Paul says, it is apparent that love was a ‘core’ source – a point of reference or grid that we use to filter what, when, how, how much and why we love or do not love. 

For instance, when a couple comes for pre-marital counseling, they find it unusual when I ask them they ‘why’ they want to get married?  What is their usual response? “We love each other!”  Three or four year later, the same couple walks into my office and says, ‘We want a divorce!’  I ask them, ‘Why?’  What is their answer? “We don’t love each other anymore!"  

So, I ask them to talk to me about love.  Often times one will talk about their home life, while the other talks about love in terms of what they learned from a secular magazine/philosophy on marriage. After some discussion, it becomes apparent to the couple that they have a different point of reference for their love.  I point out the obvious, if we use different points of reference to define love, we will not be very appreciative of one another nor respect one another.  We need a point of reference that is not human based and not biased.  There is only one source for such genuine love – God and God’s Word.

This is what Paul had in mind for the Philippians.  Paul prayed for one concern . . . that their love would “abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” based on God and God’s truth alone.   This is Paul’s solo prayer!

Why is this so important?  Love based on God and God’s truth is not bias nor is it based on a human factor or definition of love.  This can be the only premise on which to find solid ground to define love – the what, when, how, how much and why to loving God’s way.  His one overall concern has a threefold result for them:

First, they may be able to discern what the best possible way to express their appreciation for each other is.  When we base our lives on God, He changes us to treat others how He Himself would treat us.  Mediocre relationships don’t begin with the other person; it starts with a ‘love towards God’ that has grown cold.  Paul points them to the ‘point of-reference’ that will impact their language of appreciation between each other.  When this happens, we seek out how we can express God’s love the best way possible to them, not according to our criteria, but God’s. 

Secondly, they may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.  Have you ever worried about saying or doing the wrong thing with another person?  When we grow in God’s knowledge and in His love more and more, we will be less likely to be accused of doing or saying the wrong things because we will be filtering our mindset, attitudes, and behavior through God and God’s truth ‘before’ we act!  This will only enhance our language of appreciation for one another. 

Thirdly, they may be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. When we consider the fruits of the Spirit, it is interesting to see how many of the Spirit’s fruits deal with our belief system, character, moral issues in life and relational connections.  When our love abounds more and more in knowledge and in the depths of our insights, the ‘fruit’ of righteousness results.  This is a natural by-product of our deepening love-relationship with Jesus Christ.  What happens is that we develop a winsome spirit and disposition.  People will see us as a gracious person who, like our Lord Jesus Christ, responds with ‘GRACE’ and ‘TRUTH.’   We then can respond to others in love and it becomes a part of our very being, our daily life, relationships with one another, family and those in our community.   

Paul prayed for this kind of ‘spiritual glue’ to cement their relationship between each other.  This is the heart of the language of appreciation.   When we pray for people and their spiritual journey in Christ, as Paul did, we reinforce them as a people of God.  

Let me illustrate.

A fellow dry-waller and I had an interesting discussion on our way to work one day.   He shared with me that he was frustrated with trying to understand how to respond to his wife.  Some time earlier, his wife was upset about something and she felt that he had responded improperly to her in that particular situation.  After some discussion, he asked his wife how she would like him to respond when such a situation occurs again.  She expressed to him how she desired for him to respond.  Well, he said, yesterday a similar incident occurred, so I responded the way she said I should.  She started crying and asked, “Who told you to respond to me in such a crazy manner?”  Boy, I had the strongest urge to tell her, ‘you did,’ but I did not!  I just don’t understand my wife!  Jerry, since you have some 30 years of married experience, do you have any suggestions?

As we pulled up to the job site, I really didn’t have too much to say in way of encouragement or advice to him, but I promised him that I would give it some prayer and thought. As the day progressed, I thought about Ephesians 5 where Paul spoke of husband’s loving their wives.  Then, a biblical principle came to mind that I felt I needed to share with him. 

I asked him, what did God say men should do in response to their wives in the book of Ephesians? He said, “Husbands, LOVE your wives!” Isn’t this interesting!  I told him, ‘God did not tell us to ‘understand’ our wives, but to love them.  To which he said, ‘Good, that is a relief!’  Then I continued.  The more we love our wives; the need to understand them becomes less important and the need to serve them, in behalf of God, becomes paramount.  This is what ’naturally results’ when we pray that our love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight!

The same is true in our relationship with God.  He doesn’t tell us to understand Him, but to love Him … extremely.   ‘Love the Lord thy God with ALL your heart, mind, soul and being.  Love your neighbor as yourself.”  God’s love is other-centered, not self-centered.  It is something we cultivate over a lifetime of walking with Him.  A God-centered love can thrive in an environment of complaining, argumentative spirits, opposing opinions and hostile feelings.  A Christ-centered love is God-focused. 

Conclusion

Today, we’ve been thinking about the ‘heart’ behind our expressions of appreciation for the people within our sphere of relationships.  Our words and actions should reflect a servant’s heart, a thankful heart, an appreciated heart and a prayerful heart. 

It was our Lord Jesus Christ who said to Peter, “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?  But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean.  For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  These are what make a man ‘unclean; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean’ ” (Matthew 15:15-20).  

How is the condition of your heart?  Let me ask you another question.  When we do and/or say nice things, is it because it is expected of us, or is this a result of a changed heart?   Many times I find that our words and deeds are heartless, because Christ’s heart doesn’t ‘reside’ in our heart!  This was apparent in the case of the Philippians and Paul had to reveal their ‘true nature,’ especially when things didn’t go their way.  We become ugly and at times downright mean!   

The incident of my mother’s appreciation for her care givers before surgery is humbling because we who claim to have Christ as Savior and Lord, often are ‘the worst’ to be around when it comes to people waking us out of a restful sleep, poking us with needles or putting tubes down our nose and throat. 

How many times have we allowed little goof ups and/or differences to hinder us from ministering to others?  We have a tendency to see people through their goof ups and the inconveniences they have created for us instead of from Christ’s heart and eyes. 

In Jesus Christ, it should not be this way.  He provides the possibility for us to grow deeper in our love language of appreciation.  It starts with the heart.

�     A Servant’s Heart.  1 – 2

�     A Thankful Heart.   3 – 6.

�     An Affectionate Heart  7 – 8

�     A Prayerful Heart.  9 – 11

The fourfold-formula can change our heart, attitudes and actions toward God and others. I firmly believe that an individual is never more Christ-like than when he shows his appreciation for those who knock us down, overlook and abuse us for their own recognition and status in life.  

I would like to tell you a story about an incident that happened shortly after World War II, when Europe began to pick up the pieces. 

            Early one chilly morning an America soldier was making his way back to the barracks in London.  As he turned the corner, he spotted a little German lad with his nose pressed to the window of a bakery shop.  Inside the bakery the baker was bringing out a fresh batch of doughnuts.  The hungry boy stared in silence, watching every move.  The soldier walked quietly over to where the little fellow was standing.  Through the steamed-up window he could see the mouth-watering morsels put into the display case.  The boy was drooling and released a slight groan.

            The soldier’s heart went out to the nameless orphan as he stood beside him.  “Son . . . would you like some of these?”

The boy was startled.  “Oh, yeah . . . I would!”

The American stepped inside, bought a dozen of the delicious donuts and walked back to where the lad was standing in the foggy, cold London morning.  He smiled, held out the bag, and said simply: “Here you are!”

As he turned to walk away, he felt a tug on his coat.  He looked down and the child asked quietly: “Mister . . . are you God?”

To touch people in an authentic expression of appreciation takes more than just saying nice things and doing uplifting jesters.  Authentic, Christ-centered appreciation has to deal with a ‘changed heart, committed to Christ.’